Maranatha Messenger

WHAT TO DO
WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

REDEFINE YOUR PRIORITIES
(Part 3)


IS YOUR SPOUSE A PRIORITY?

How can I juggle all the hats I wear? I have a job, a mortgage, a wife, a kid, three dogs and a cat. Beside that, I coach little league, attend church, teach in the AWANAS and sing in the choir. How do I manage my responsibilities? Without a doubt I need to get a grip on my priorities. I must clearly understand my family commitments. Where do I begin?

I. First of all, I must begin with my spouse. The husband-wife union is the primary relationship in the family. All other relationships are secondary! Is your spouse the number one priority in your life?

1. The apostle Paul shared some keen insight into the husband-wife relationship in Ephesians 5:21-33. Paul explains to us where we should begin. He was very devoted to priorities! He began with submission to the Lordship of Christ (v. 21). Both husband and wife must hupotasso {submit} one another in the fear of the Lord. God must be first in your marriage!

2. The Greek word hupotasso means to fall under or to be arranged under. Paul’s talking about priorities. Things must be right vertically so things can be right horizontally. Paul says we must submit “one to another in the fear of the Lord.” If my perpendicular relationship with God is wrong, then my parallel relationships with man will be wrong. Carnal Christians will have a carnal marriage! Therefore, it is advantageous that both man and woman come under the authority of Jesus Christ. Paul begins with a mutual submission to each other “in the fear of the Lord.

3. In this passage of scripture, the comparative expression “as” is found seven times (v.22-33). The husband-wife relationship is “as” Christ and the church. The paradigm for the husband is Christ and the pattern for the wife is the church.

4. Notice the submission of the wife. Paul addressed the wife’s submission to her husband (v.22). This is probably the last thing contemporary society wants to hear. Therefore, perhaps we need to define this term. John MacArthur, Jr. says, “Be subject is from hupotasso, originally a military term meaning to arrange or rank under. Spirit –filled Christians rank themselves under one another. The main idea is that of relinquishing one’s rights to another person.”[1]

5. Nonetheless, Paul is quite clear that the wife’s submission to her husband should be like her submission to the Lord. In reality, the wife’s submission to her husband is a reflection of her submission to the Lord. Ladies, if you desire to see where you are spiritually look into the mirror of submission to your own husband.

6. Why would she submit to her husband if she has not submitted to Christ? Priorities build off of each other. If we get one detail out of order, we usually get other things out of sequence. Please keep in mind that hupotasso is a military term that explains rank. This does not mean that women are inferior to men; however it does mean that God has an ordained chain of command.

Let me illustrate:

God has ordained civil government to keep law and order in society. Paul says, “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers” (Romans 13:1). Let’s suppose that I refuse to be hupotasso {subject} to the higher powers of civil government. I decide to invent my own speed limit. The authorities set the speed limit at 55. But I want to drive 75. A rookie cop only 25 years old pulls me over for speeding. He is young and has very little education. I begin to rationalize. This cop is only half my age, he doesn’t even have a college degree and he’s going to tell me what to do? He is inferior to me so I don’t have to obey the speed limit. This kind of rationalization has put many a person in jail! This has nothing to do with superiority or inferiority. It has to do with God’s designed rank and order! Disobedience to civil government brings chaos and anarchy! My rebellion will bring confusion to society. Why? Because I chose not to submit to God ordained authority.

II. Secondly, Paul addressed the sacrifice of the husband. He explained how the husband must love his wife, “even as Christ loved the church” (v.25).

1. The Greek word kathos {even as} means to the same degree. Paul gave the husbands in the Ephesian church a standard on how to love their wives. While many define love as an emotion or erotic passion, Paul explained love as sacrificial giving. In the same way Christ sacrificially gave His life for the church, the husband must give himself to his wife.

2. The husband’s primary role in the marital relationship is that of servant-leader. He must lovingly serve his wife in the home. Husbands, next to the Lord, your wife is the number one priority in your life! Do you love her as Christ loved the church? I know you have a busy schedule! I know you have a job! Nevertheless, your wife needs to understand that she is the number one priority in your life.

Illustration:

Not long ago I read an article about President Harry Truman. While his schedule was demanding we learn something about his priorities. The report said,
A few years ago, the Harry S. Truman Library in Independence, MO, made public 1,300 recently-discovered letters that the late President wrote to his wife, Bess, over the course of a half-century. Mr. Truman had a lifelong rule of writing to his wife every day they were apart. He followed this rule whenever he was away on official business or whenever Bess left Washington to visit her beloved Independence. Scholars are examining the letters for any new light they may throw on political and diplomatic history. For our part, we were most impressed by the simple fact that every day he was away, the President of the United States took time out from his dealing with the world’s most powerful leaders to sit down and write a letter to his wife.[2]

Although President Truman met with world diplomats and bore the responsibility of leading America, he didn’t forget his wife.

3. It should be the life long ambition of every husband to convince his wife she is first in his life. How can I accomplish this feat? As the servant-leader to the home, the husband must strive to meet the physical and emotional needs of the wife. Paul said, “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband” (Ephesians 5:28-29, 33).

I want to focus on two important words:

(a.) The first word is ektrephei {nourisheth} which refers to the physical needs of the wife. In the same way Christ meets the physical needs of the church, the husband is to meet the physical needs of his wife. He must literally love her as his own body!

(b.) The second significant word is thalpei {cherisheth} or more literally to keep it warm. This word means to foster affection or to cherish with tender care. The husband must gently love his wife by taking care of her emotional needs. He must make her feel emotionally and physically secure.

What do you do when you don’t know what to do? Review your priorities! Is your spouse the number one priority in your life? If not, maybe you need to redefine your priorities?

1. How important is mutual submission to Christ in marriage?
2. The wife’s submission to her husband is reflection of what?
3. How is the husband to love his wife?


[1] John MacArthur, Jr., The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Ephesians, (Chicago: Moody Press, 1986), 276.
[2] Bits & Pieces, October 15, 1992, pp. 15-16.